So... there was this mostly-CP UBRS run some time back, and I bailed on it shortly after a wipe. Because it was a "mostly" CP run, I was the cause of some embarassment, and for that I'm sorry. I am not sorry, however, for leaving, nor am I sorry for being scarce in the intervening time.
While playing, my prime directive is that I have fun. If it ceases to be fun, I leave. It's that simple. This has a tendency to leave people hanging sometimes, and that's unfortunate. Really, though, I have to be selfish about this. There's no reason for me to keep playing if I'm not having fun. In fact, it could be harmful to me. This game for me is a theraputic escape, and it is a significant help to me in dealing with my real-world issues. If that sounds twisted to you, so be it. It works for me, and I go with what works. If I were to hang around in the game after drama, or technical problems, or even my inability to solve a certain in-game problem made it unfun, that would have a real chance of seeping out into my real world problems. Because of my current situaion, I really, really don't need that.
---Gory Details---
I wanted to give you a snapshot of the events as I saw them, not to defend myself, but to show things from my (warped?) point of view:
Strike One: when I logged on that day, most of the guild were off raiding or doing something else exclusionary.
Strike Two: after the UBRS group started, and I asked, hinted and cajoled in an attempt to finish my festival of fire quest chain, the person in the group able to stealth to the fire finally relented, but only after the rest of the group had pretty much arrived. This prevented me from getting my summer spirit pet. Not a big deal to many of you, perhaps, but I don't have any special pets on this character, or indeed on this server.
Strike Three: After we got inside and started killing dragons, I asked several times, even begged a couple times for people to loot the corpses so I could skin them. Since I have yet to get a decent drop from a UBRS run, I was expecting to make up for the costs of the run with some skins & maybe some scales. A couple of people pointedly ignored me, and in one case, made a big production out of not looting something until the last minute--when the corpse vanished. Putting aside completely my desire to skin these things, it's just plain stupid to not loot things that could quite possibly drop valuable world epics or set pieces.
Strike Four: We wiped at Rend. Not so much a big deal, really, but one person in the group made a big production out of explaining how we could get back and finish the event, and even implying that other groups he'd been with had done so with minimal problems. Now, forgetting that this person was COMPLETELY WRONG, the implicit thread running through his message was that this group sucked. Not only that, but it caused quite a bit of confusion in the group as to whether we should wait for a res, run back from Thorium Point, or what. Which led to...
Strike Five: I released and hurried back early, thinking that I'd have time before everyone else returned to finish my egg freezing quest. As it turned out, I didn't really have that much time, and I ended up making the group wait to reset the instance. I felt bad about that, but I was confused about who was where and who was going where, and in fact it really didn't take that long to run to an egg, freeze it and run back.
Strike Six: When the group finally reassembled after the wipe, and buffs started flying around, one buff was conspicuously absent. When I commented on it, this particular buffer started waxing lyrical about how we didn't really need it, or it was beneath him, or some damn nonsense. I got snarky, which had the intended effect of the desired buff going off on one group... but then individual buffs being used on my group, including a minimum level version of the buff on me.
That was the proverbial straw. I said "ok, that's it" and left.
---End of Gory Details---
So, to sum up, I apologize for putting a pall over that run, and for embarassing the inviters of non-CP people. You all gotta know, though, that if things are going seriously south, I will extract myself from any situation. This is partly self-defense due to my current mental state, and partly an extension of how I usually deal with interpersonal conflict. I tend to either internalize it or flee. Since I can't internalize it any more, the only response that works for me right now is flight.
What I really appreciate about you, Carch, is your ability to take ownership of your actions, realize how they may affect others, then give some explaination and if needed an apology in order to clear the air.
I thank you and hope that I may be able to facilitate some measure of fun in the future.
Comments
While playing, my prime directive is that I have fun. If it ceases to be fun, I leave. It's that simple. This has a tendency to leave people hanging sometimes, and that's unfortunate. Really, though, I have to be selfish about this. There's no reason for me to keep playing if I'm not having fun. In fact, it could be harmful to me. This game for me is a theraputic escape, and it is a significant help to me in dealing with my real-world issues. If that sounds twisted to you, so be it. It works for me, and I go with what works. If I were to hang around in the game after drama, or technical problems, or even my inability to solve a certain in-game problem made it unfun, that would have a real chance of seeping out into my real world problems. Because of my current situaion, I really, really don't need that.
---Gory Details---
I wanted to give you a snapshot of the events as I saw them, not to defend myself, but to show things from my (warped?) point of view:
Strike One: when I logged on that day, most of the guild were off raiding or doing something else exclusionary.
Strike Two: after the UBRS group started, and I asked, hinted and cajoled in an attempt to finish my festival of fire quest chain, the person in the group able to stealth to the fire finally relented, but only after the rest of the group had pretty much arrived. This prevented me from getting my summer spirit pet. Not a big deal to many of you, perhaps, but I don't have any special pets on this character, or indeed on this server.
Strike Three: After we got inside and started killing dragons, I asked several times, even begged a couple times for people to loot the corpses so I could skin them. Since I have yet to get a decent drop from a UBRS run, I was expecting to make up for the costs of the run with some skins & maybe some scales. A couple of people pointedly ignored me, and in one case, made a big production out of not looting something until the last minute--when the corpse vanished. Putting aside completely my desire to skin these things, it's just plain stupid to not loot things that could quite possibly drop valuable world epics or set pieces.
Strike Four: We wiped at Rend. Not so much a big deal, really, but one person in the group made a big production out of explaining how we could get back and finish the event, and even implying that other groups he'd been with had done so with minimal problems. Now, forgetting that this person was COMPLETELY WRONG, the implicit thread running through his message was that this group sucked. Not only that, but it caused quite a bit of confusion in the group as to whether we should wait for a res, run back from Thorium Point, or what. Which led to...
Strike Five: I released and hurried back early, thinking that I'd have time before everyone else returned to finish my egg freezing quest. As it turned out, I didn't really have that much time, and I ended up making the group wait to reset the instance. I felt bad about that, but I was confused about who was where and who was going where, and in fact it really didn't take that long to run to an egg, freeze it and run back.
Strike Six: When the group finally reassembled after the wipe, and buffs started flying around, one buff was conspicuously absent. When I commented on it, this particular buffer started waxing lyrical about how we didn't really need it, or it was beneath him, or some damn nonsense. I got snarky, which had the intended effect of the desired buff going off on one group... but then individual buffs being used on my group, including a minimum level version of the buff on me.
That was the proverbial straw. I said "ok, that's it" and left.
---End of Gory Details---
So, to sum up, I apologize for putting a pall over that run, and for embarassing the inviters of non-CP people. You all gotta know, though, that if things are going seriously south, I will extract myself from any situation. This is partly self-defense due to my current mental state, and partly an extension of how I usually deal with interpersonal conflict. I tend to either internalize it or flee. Since I can't internalize it any more, the only response that works for me right now is flight.
I thank you and hope that I may be able to facilitate some measure of fun in the future.
/salute